the four right chords can make me cry

becks asks: what can we know for certain?

I cannot tell why He, whom angels worship
Should set His love upon the sons of men
Or why as Shepherd He should seek the wanderers
To bring them back, they know not how or when

But this I know
That Christ was born of Mary
When Bethlehem's manger was His only home
And that He lived at Nazareth and laboured
And so the Saviour, Saviour of the world is come

I cannot tell how silently He suffered
As with His peace He graced this place of tears
Or how His heart upon the cross was broken
The crown of pain to three and thirty years

But this I know
He heals the broken-hearted
And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden
For yet the Saviour, Saviour of the world is here

I cannot tell how He will win the nations
How He will claim His earthly heritage
How satisfy the needs and aspirations
Of East and West, of sinner and of sage

But this I know
All flesh shall see His glory
And He shall reap the harvest He has sown
And some glad day His Sun shall shine in splendour
When He the Saviour, Saviour of the world is known

I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship
When at His bidding every storm is stilled
Or who can say how great the jubilation
When all the hearts of men with love are filled

But this I know
The skies will thrill with rapture
And myriad, myriad human voices sing
And earth to heaven, and heaven to earth will answer:
At last the Saviour, Saviour of the world is King!

William Young Fullerton
1857-1932

Over the past month I've been struggling with the issues of what is the Truth?, how much of my faith is what i've been brought up to believe and how much of it is truth? Could I just be genuinely mistaken?
I have no easy answers. You just have to assume a God a priori, I haven't been able to find any other satisfactory way of looking at it. Honestly not the most intellectually satisfying answer.
No matter what arguments you use, at the end of the day it just comes down to this: do you believe there's a God, or not? I can't think of an empirical way to prove the existence of God, but i've not been convinced by anyone trying to prove that God doesnt exist either. So it just comes down to making the choice to believe.
You can't know everything. Just because the sun rises everyday is no guarantee it will rise tomorrow. Even so-called unchanging laws of physics change. Man has been mistaken so many times before, what makes us think we are absolutely right simply because we are in the present?
But this I know. There are some things which you can know for sure. Things that are pertinent to me, here on the brink of 2006, as well as to Mr William Young Fullerton.
During IBS, the search was for eternal truths. In the realm of secular academia, there's really no such thing. Everything is in a state of flux. Strangely enough, many of the oldest and best universities started of as theological schools.
Don't be afraid to question. Uncle Jing Hee always tells us that Truth is more important than doctrine. Ask, consider, question, reason. THINK. The Christian faith wholly rational.
It's good I guess, that for the next quarter of DTC we will be looking at Know what you believe and Know why you believe by Paul E. Little. I'm expecting a lot out of it, gonna grill the teachers. I hope my classmates will be more involved, not many people seemed very interested, esp last quarter when we did church history. You get as much as you give.
In the meantime, trying to fix my eyes and set my heart on the day when heaven to earth and earth to heaven will answer: at last the Saviour, Saviour of the world is King!
Beyond 2006, akan datang.

posted by beckyboo @ 2:04 PM 0 comments

to my dear blog readers:
my absence was probably not missed
but sorry, anyway
was too tired and uninspired
to let you know i was still alive
and not narcissistic enough
to think that it mattered

things have been wildly erratic, intensely good and immensely bad. which somehow cancel each other out, but not completely. I smile and sigh at the same time. smigh.

thank you, wonderful friends, who have been feeding me with music!
pema, its so cool that we like the same kind of music! thank you for lending me the cd, its really good =)
chels, i love the cd you burnt for me, and the card. I'm sorry i've been incommunicado the past few days. But! will see you tuesday =) looking forward to that!
jianming, fiona apple is fantastic! and thanks for introducing me to rachael yamagata! i was so amazed that you remembered =) the first thing i did when i got home was to pop it into my computer. you are right, its all good.
and serene again, the yellow submarine is still awesome =) muaks. see you saturday, should we do dinner?

i think i have enough music to last me through the next semester. I like to listen to the same few songs over and over again when i'm in the mood and let them sink in. and now i have at least 7 cds worth of songs to ruminate! hoot!

enai, are you reading this? shall we go do something soon? what have you been up to? ikea again?!?

let me try to remember.
24th: Hanging out with Chels! =)
25th: Christmas service. Carolling.
26th: PRC camp day 1. Drama at Josh's and Alan's church. So glad you came jiaquan!!!!!!!!!!!! Most successful AJC reunion of late with jiaquan, alan, giles, nazrul, lenny and me in attendance. Tea at Tea party with JQ, Banxiong and Nelson. Supper at Suriya with Suriya FC, excellent line-up, might i add.
27th: PRC camp day 2. Fun in the Sentosa sun =)
28th: Prof hunting. Met UTJ. Thrown deep into thought. Supper at Liquid Kitchen at gardens. Not bad, but I give it 2 months.
29th: IBS, woke up waaaay late =( feeling guilty. Dinner with kinyew and jon, yay anntic group!

since we're doing lists. this is in response to uncle kelvin's tag. (for church ppl, i'm not refering to kel, but to kelvin tan, from vcf. different.)

5 weird things about becky
1. I can smigh. (no, i will NOT do a demo)
2. I can do "the people's eyebrow" ala the rock. but only on one side.
3. I talk baby talk to my dog and bestow him with multiple names.
4. I am an extremely gifted sleeper. I can sleep under almost any conditions and for indefinitely long periods of time. The tricky part is staying awake.
5. I think i'm weird. But I don't think i'm weird. Weird.

ok, I tag Timomo, Benben, Mandy, Cherie, and Enai. Enai, must be weird things that I don't already know ok?

ok, I leave you with Fiona Apple

Days like this, I don’t know what to do with myself.
All day - and all night.
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath.
I say to myself.
I need fuel - to take flight -

And there’s too much going on.
But it’s calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.

Is that why they call me a sullen girl - sullen girl.
The don’t know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea.
But he washed me ashore and he took my pearl -
And left an empty shell of me.

And there’s too much going on.
But it’s calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.
It’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.

posted by beckyboo @ 10:45 PM 1 comments

post 400
Movie Review Time!
King Kong

Best show of the year!!! If only i'd stop taking itself so seriously and file itself under it's true category: Comedy. That's right. Comedy. With the capital "C" and all. You know, Comedy, ha-ha, funny.

Incidentally, this is what the blue eyed leading lady was attempting at various stages throughout the show, which unfortunately, was NOT funny. At all. Juggling CGI stones and body double cartwheels do not amuse this discerning movie-goer, no! But who am I to question the sense of humour of a 20 foot CGI/animatronic gorilla.

But seriously now, I did not like this show. And the reason is simple, objective, and convincing. Why? Because I hate bugs, and there was a gratuitously long scene where many disgusting, kong-sized bugs make their appearance and crawl all over and/or devour human beings. Not pretty. Me squeamish. The bugs were pretty fugly too.

One of the redeeming scenes in this movie, though, has to be the dino chase scene. Car chase scenes are like, sooo, 1990's! (Yeah! Like, totally!) Large prehistoric reptiles falling over themselves with comedic timing in domino fashion is enough to make anyone LOL. so, LOL!

Another thigh-slapping moment is when the T-rexes and KK fall into this cliff thing, and the action doesn't end there. Like, duh! Of course the next logical step would be to have them caught in nice big strong ropy vines that suspend them in mid-air for some good ol' 1920's style air rage! Go KONG!

And we all know KK is like, super intelligent and all cos' he can like, run around and jump here jump there and still manage not to smush leading lady person! Poor verbal communication aside, the chimp has awesome motor skills. You gotta give him that. Let's not forget that sense of humour, don't we all love a leading man with a good sense of humour? Like how adorable, giant monkey sliding around on the ice and playing in the snow in central park. Kawaii! (^_^)

Eh, what other leading man? Oh you mean the Pianist dude! Nah, he just writes screenplays. Any monkey can do that!

No larh, actually, I thought Adrien Brody was extremely cute. Sure, he isn't all furry and chest-thumping alpha male, but thats what I like about him. Guys should shave. Gorillas are just too hairy. It's gross.

But if a giant gorilla saves you from not one, not two, but three free steak-knives! umm I mean T rexes, you might change your mind, and I don't know, maybe fall in love with one of them? Their CGI/animatronic eyes really portray depth and emotion and inner beauty! I guess that's why Peter Jackson had so many (ma)lingering screen shots of KK's face.

Phew, this review is rather long, doncha think? Well the movie itself is pretty long, in excess of 3 hours. So don't drink too much coke. Darryl did. And he wanted to pee, just at the halfway mark of the show. Me, being the considerate person that I am, then proceeds to make those noises grandmas make to induce little boys to pee. Once the credits started rolling, I start singing "Peace like a river", with actions! Oh, no reason. I put it down to my irrepressible youthful exuberance. =D

Ok, ok. To it's credit, the film does very briefly touch on some aspects of interest. The tragedy of Ann Darrow's life, which really is a self-fulfilling prophecy, happiness really doesn't last for her. Every tender moment she has with KK is shattered by dinosaurs, or rabid giant bats, or machine guns, or aeroplanes. Sorry dear, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Seriously now. The opening scenes were pretty good, painting a picture of the poverty and disillusionment of the 1920's. But then again, I'm not sure if it was deliberate or accidental. I sometimes read too much into these things. Then we have the issue of showing up how we nasty humans react to things we don't understand or cannot control. It was a serious issue, but dealt with such a heavy hand (pun intended), that it came across as really preachy and lop-sided.

What I REALLY didn't like was how the "natives" of the ficticious Skull Island came across. They appeared completely savage, violent, and ignorant. They seemed more animal-like than Kong. I found that absolutely ridiculous, how they tried so hard to humanize a computer graphic, but reduced actual human beings to scowling, gibbering beasts, murderous and screaming for blood. I can forgive the absurdities of the plot, like how the T rexes were hell-bent on eating the snack-sized carrot stick of Ann Darrow when there was a nice, fleshy monkey up for grabs. But not the fact that they chose to make the natives look like that. Disgusting.

The European superiority inherent in the whole idea of adventure sickens me. Discovering undiscovered lands? It's so pompous to disregard the entire civilisation that was obviously in place. Conquering the natives, thinking they could be subdued with a chocolate bar. Gah! Darn Imperialists! That caricature of the Chinese dude on the ship, pig-tailed and ingratiating. Interestingly enough, Singapore was mentioned several times during the film. Hmmm...

Struggling to say something nice about the film! Errrrrm... I liked Ann Darrow's hat.

So, is this a good movie? NO! But is it worth your money? Considering the length to dollar ratio and the sheer entertainment value, its a resounding YES!

posted by beckyboo @ 1:53 AM 0 comments

Thank You!

Ban Xiong
Berwine
Damien
Donn
Elias
Elvin
Enai
Gabs
Gary
Grace
Hazel
Hozea
Huimin
Jeffery
Jerry
Jonathan
Josh
Josiah
Kelvin
Kin Yew
Lamby
Manting
Matt
Pema
Qibin
Serene
Sophia
Tian en
V
Weili

for coming! for making your way down to my obscure little corner of serangoon, braving potential lostness. for coming from whatever you were doing, working, from home, out with friends, prc camp briefing. your presence really meant a lot to me =) felt really good to have all the friends you care about in the same room! everyone should try it some day =)
for coming early and helping out! dinner would have been a complete flop without enai, josh and ban xiong
for contributing food! Must thank my ah mah for the excellent curry and bee hoon, ban xiong damien and josh for the ham rolls, jeffery for the bee hoon, my cgms for the bak kwa, juice and raisins, sophie and jon for the ice cream, elvin for the nuggets. gosh, hope i didn't miss anyone, there seemed to be a lot more food than that!
for the many unexpected presents! thank you very much enai for the ORU shirt, i'm wearing it now! =) will remind me of you. thank you huimin for the earrings! so sweet of you! haha i'm wearing them now too! thank you manting for the card! yes, i'm really glad that our paths crossed too =) thank you V! I totally LOVE the shirt, it's perfect! and the DIY candle holder is soooo cool! I love especially how it doesnt come with instructions, no one dictating what's the right way to do it. DIY roxxor! hahaha... Thank you gary! aiyoh, i should'nt have told you i liked that book! Thank you so much for getting it for me =)

Must thank my mum and dad who let me open the house to you guys, and paid for all the grocery and cutlery and stuff!

But most of all, I want to thank God. For blessing me with a family and home that i can share with other people. For blessing me with so many really great people for friends. For answering my prayers, that my house would be filled with His presence and that His peace would be on everyone who entered.

Once again, no need to thank me, thank God, thank my parents, thank jeanette (enai, did you know they completely exhausted the word bank of Catchphrase?), thank my maid, thank my ah mah. I really hope every one of you had a good time!

ok, i'm really tired now. but happier than i've been in a long time. goodnight!

posted by beckyboo @ 12:30 AM 0 comments

Thank you Serene! I LOVE the cd! Its been a long time since a cd made me so happy =) My all-time favourite band, with all those songs that have been hard to find! And the chocolate too! I'm just so touched that you'd think of me... thanks so much =)

Best friend is back! eh, sorry about today, just not feeling very communicative. Hopefully things will get better from here...

Got home at 4 today, didn't really get much sleep. but thats really just an excuse. I just feel very unsettled and disturbed. why? i dont know.

We went to visit miss lim, must call her stephanie now, and her baby boy evan today. gosh, he's the cutest thing =) i'm generally not a kid/baby person, but babies are just designed to trigger off the nuturing response. But mostly, I felt awkward. Didn't know what to say to her. It's as though I felt so much, so many positive emotions, but when placed in a situation, I suddenly was incapable of expressing myself. I feel that way about of a lot things actually. I'm just really lousy at this.

Disjoint, disjuction, verge of despair? Its just a little melodrama, i'm fine. On most levels.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:45 AM 0 comments

i sink deeper and deeper into the morass that is sep application.
someone tell me not to give up!
someone introduce me to a life science senior who went to sweden!
humbug.
i'm going to sleep.

posted by beckyboo @ 1:22 AM 1 comments

sorry for the confusion and mess! i figure its easier to post it here and invite everyone who reads the blog, i've sent out no less than 9 emails already...

20th december 2005 (not 21st as earlier circulated)
dinner at my house
time: 7pm till whenever (stayover also can), can come earlier and hang out, play guitar, sing song, watch dvds/vcds, whatever
if you fall in this category you are invited: vcffoc group, anntic group, my cg, grace's and joel's cg, not from any cg but still in science cf, cf-er from anywhere, usp friend, church friend, jc classmate, life science classmate, erm secondary, primary, kindergarten friend?

thing is, this could turn out to be massive, or really small, depending on the response. so i REALLY need to know if you're coming or not! call me, email me, whatever, just let me know asap!

here's a tentative plan for the day
9:00 wake becky up
9:15 berate a very sleepy (and hence defenseless) becky for the horrible state of messiness her table/room/life in general is
9:30 listen to her defense as she brushes her teeth (mrfph mrpht!)
9:45 start poking around her stuff
10:00 discover many embarassing things
10:30 be amused
11:30 tour of the house, including brother's alcohol collection
12:00 eat lunch at prata shop nearby
1:00 watch dvds! i have scrubs!
2:00 walk the dog and explore neighbourhood
3:00 play frisbee! (someone must bring k, i don't have)
4:00 give the dog a bath? (its fun, trust me)
5:00 take a bath. (you'll need it)
6:00 start preping for dinner!
7:00 eat, talk, make friends, spend time with old friends
9:00 play tim tam slam!
10:00 play board games?
stayover!

lardidah, i know i've been harping about this to EVERYONE i see. but yeah, i've been thinking about holding this dinner thing for a long time, really hope you can come. im quite excited! hope it doesnt disappoint.

posted by beckyboo @ 2:23 AM 0 comments

of fathers and daughters

he wakes me up for breakfast when it's almost lunch and in search of food we go. i have a new helmet, it's really light, half shell, doesn't feel very protective. but that's ok. cos my daddy will never crash.
something in the late morning air, slightly overcast, crisp makes me feel quietly delirious. i feel like standing up on the footpegs and stretching my arms out into the air swishing past. but i don't, of course.
how to explain to you the contentment and elation of riding with my dad? none will ever know it but i, his only daughter.
bikes can be parked anywhere. we park on the sidewalk and walk around in search of a hearty meal. i discover great malay food in serangoon gardens and though he can't take spicy stuff, he likes it too.
we talk about nothing in particular as we pick up the chicken rice for skin dog. we've never had a serious conversation (save scoldings) in my life. i don't think you need to talk about serious things all the time, thats incredibly intense and draining. me and dad, things just flow.
me dad and skin dog are sitting around in the study when one by one the whole family appears. bizzare coincidence. pgp is off school early, mum is on half day. it feels nice but also weird. i think it's the first time we've all been in the same room in a year maybe.
when dd comes to pick me up from dinner with the pgp ppl he proclaims that he is stuffed to the ears with salmon sashimi from ikoi. but when me and peej are eating dim sum, he eats too, and asks me to order more!
his "instruction" while i drive does irritate me though. i wonder how long it will last. at least he's not as bad as mum.

i'm honestly weary of it, the constant tiptoeing around, having to keep my defences up. i just wish to be left alone.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:06 PM 0 comments

Happy belated birthday enai, best friend so far away. Sorry I didn't call you from Malaysia, on hindsight, i think it would have been worth the money. Can't believe you're 21 already. we used to be teenagers, remember that?
Happy birthday gabs! Though i talk to you next to never, you're still on my heart. One day we will do some catching up ok?

ok, i guess i should say something about anntic. but what can i say that hasn't already been said? It was good. Though i didn't really feel like going at first, i know i was supposed to be there. My group members were really great, and my group leader was super! (go manda!) I don't really feel like talking about it now, all that rhetoric, but it shouldn't leave you with the impression that it was less than fantastic. the lessons i learnt were just very personal and internalised, i want them to show in my life rather than just through my words, so i shan't say much.

i might tell you taiyu's joke though! if i figure out how to do the accent right.

lets do a to do list...

1) get started on tedious exchange application
2) clean my room
3) go to the national library with chels
4) reply overdue letters and emails
5) find out more about patent law
6) brush up Amaths =|
7) go shopping at beach road, chinatown and bugis
8) figure out where all the books and cds i've lent people are
9) go to the beach
10) dialogue supper 17th
11) watch serene's dance performance 23rd
12) watch joel pan and the AC alumni choir at the esplanade
13) spend time with newly adult-erated best friend
14) meet with mentors/mentee
15) read books
16) meet up with anntic group, usp friends, church friends, jc friends, cgms and others
17) PRC camp 26-27th
18) meet UTJ 28th
19) IBS 29-30th
20) organise gathering at my house! hoot!
21) visit the patients at pcc
22) parent's anniversary dinner
23) practice guitar
24) hug my dog more
25) be less busy. yeah right.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:21 PM 0 comments

so disturbing.
although it was a documentary done by the discovery channel (supposed to be objective, supposed), it still smelt like a national education ploy. the same meta-narratives and motifs. but its kinda international education now i guess, since you can't force non-singaporeans to take national education for exams (the only way to make them have anything to do with their heritage), but you can lull them into acceptance with tv. go mass media!
can't remember what david pawson said on this, something about there being 4 levels of looking at history. the first being personalities, seeing history as a collective biography for people who've left their mark. hitler, churchill, lenin, che etc. i think the second one was events, but im not too sure. the third took it one step up the hierachy, to the level of looking at cycles. The rise and fall of civilisations. and lastly, history from the perspective of infinity, able to discern from the beginning of time, and stretching to the very end of time itself. and the bible is the only historical book in that category. so read your bibles. cool stuff.
i digress.
but yeah, i guess this documentary remained largely at level one. the deification of raffles and lee kwan yew. same old. i found it neo-colonial. just look at the title, very condescending. Raffles' little child. erm ok. i think being from the prestigious (elitist?) Raffles family just lost a whole lot of shine for me, not that it was particularly shiny before. Really no offense if you're from Raffles, what school you come from really doesnt matter to me, but i just have a thing against colonialism.
ok enough ranting!

heard the bay camp went really well!! so fabulous =) almost makes me wish i were there. almost. but yes, so encouraged by what i've heard, and the change i've seen too. great job everyone =)

was very interesting to see new old faces today. seven years. my goodness. i can't believe its been that long. i was... egads, 13? and she still remembers me. always thought i was low profile. i wonder what made her remember me. =) she's really like her brother, appearance and personality. i remember them with affection.

yes dears, i will get to talk to you soon. hopefully. better make an appointment for you.

i really should start packing, right?

posted by beckyboo @ 10:14 PM 0 comments

i dislike orchard road on so many levels. but orchard road on a saturday afternoon during the holiday season is just unbearable. still, i braved the madding crowd* do so some gift shopping. it was terrible. i didn't find anything special but was forced to settle for less. and i was so drained by the whole experience. i just felt the life go out of me.

i tried to recover by lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. but the construction work next door, and the tv blasting upstairs denied me my silence.

no, its not escapism.

the nest was promising, but it could have been so much better. coming in straight after exams probably wasn't a very good idea. my sleep cycle has been MAJORLY screwed up this time around, what with staying at pgp and sleeping at 3am and waking up at 11am, and not to mention the naps whenever i happened to fall asleep. but i didn't realise how exhausted my body was till i got there and i could hear it screaming for sleep.

and it didn't help to have other things to do breathing down your neck. rushed over to school to fill in my timesheet for november, rushed down to the BSL meeting, rushed down to pgp to put the bedsheets back, rushed down to bugis for dinner with the girls. i was late for everything. and i hate being late.

still, girl's night out was fabulous. aahaan thay aroy at first thai and the most decadent chocolate at Max Brenner's. till now, i have not had the privilege of having a gang of girl friends to go out with, who like the same things i like, who understand me with minimal explanation, who are such great company and excellent conversationalists. thanks for all the laughter, griping, and top secret information sharing. haha =)

i'm so blessed you know?

the busyness doesnt stop here. i haven't packed for anntic. i haven't finished preparing for leading the bible studies. not much time tomorrow with church and tuition in the mix. so much for keeping the Sabbath.

*Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife
Their sober wishes never learn'd to stray;
Along the cool sequester'd vale of life
They kept the noiseless tenor of their way.

posted by beckyboo @ 6:17 PM 0 comments